My Dear Children,
The language of the heart is so limited when it comes to expressing in words, written or spoken. What my heart longs to tell you would be much better done in person, alas, our time is yet to come. I sense you want reflection sooner than that.
I can’t tell you what choices to make. I cannot tell you what is the right thing to do or the best thing to do or the smartest thing to do. I can tell you what I’ve experienced in life stories, and what I’ve learned from all that. I can tell you my perspective on what I know to be True. I can tell you to share this freely with anyone you wish, to further discussion and reflection for you.
My message is redundant. What I’ve learned is very simple. I do not know or understand complex theory or practices. My mind does not wrap around logic and argument. The only things I really know and understand come from the space of the heart, where theory, practices, logic and argument do not exist. I promise you that any time you come to me for advice, opinion or help, you will be pointed in the same direction over and over again. I only know this one place to go – back to the interior space that others have termed God, Love, Spirit, etc.
I’m hearing that you want things in your own life. I’m hearing that you are in a place of perturbation. I’m hearing you searching for the “right” choices to make. I’m hearing you learning very quickly from the crucible place of the fire of transformation. I know this place well.
You were wanted fiercely. At 21 years old, when I made the choice to open myself to becoming pregnant for the first time, I had no idea how challenging, difficult and messy life would be. I sensed in my heart how beautiful it could be, and from the scriptural study I had done growing up and my relationship with God since I was a tiny girl, understood the promise of peace that was infused in all the great teachings. I sensed that somehow this was available to us as human beings, and I knew I could have that, if I wanted it enough. I did not know how, though, and the religious institutions I grew up in did not give me the answers that resonated with my soul.
No one ever told me that life would be messy. I had no idea. No one ever told me that relationships would be challenging. No one ever told me that my own patterns and beliefs would taunt me. I grew up a product of the Disney generation believing that someday my prince would come and I would be carried off, taken care of and live happily ever after. Life as it hit me along the way has been shocking to such a naïve mind. Life appears to be a bit complicated. Circumstance and people around us, as well as the 5:00 news, tend to confirm that.
Walking the Path of Integrity is the road less followed. It’s rarely followed. It’s the one that is referred to in every holy scripture around the world – the “eye of the needle,” the “one in ten thousand thousands.” It can feel like a lonely path, an alone path, an uncommon and unpopular path. It is a road of questioning and reflecting on your every choice, thought, action and word in every moment. It is taking in opinion and advice from the outside world, but then sitting in silence and following your own Spirit. It is the path of response-ability for yourself and for others, even when they don’t know it, appreciate it, or are grateful for it – doing the “right thing” even and especially when you don’t feel like it, or don’t want to, or think you don’t have the strength or power to do it for one more second and just want to go back to sleep like everyone else.
Looking to the outside world or your mental, emotional or physical body for clues as to which way to go, will keep you in confusion forever.
People out there are confused – look around! Look inside the hearts, minds and lives of the greatest psychological theorists, scientists, and religious and political leaders. Look at the conflicting (sometimes violently!) opinion, theory, advice, and warnings. Look at all the people trying to escape or deny their own suffering through the many avenues we have created on Earth that are mind and mood-altering, unwilling to face the confrontation of our own soul.
Then, look inside the hearts and words of the Masters who have walked this planet: Jesus, Buddha, Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, the great yogis, and so many others. There is where you must turn for what to do in any given moment. There is the only place of Reality and Wisdom. The Masters have left a trail of bread crumbs, rose petals of knowledge, for us to follow, for those who will make that kind of choice.
These Masters were all in human bodies – fallible human bodies, just like you and me, making human choices and sometimes reactive choices. They got to make the same choices you do in every moment of every day, feeling the pain and suffering of those choices. They lived and served in veritable social and emotional isolation as they were different from everyone around them, simply by walking the Path of Integrity. It is by their example that we know it is possible for each and every one of us to reach the same star of Living in Love no matter what, being willing and able to “forgive them for they know not what they do” even while feeling the pain and suffering death of your own ego and body.
There is only one place from which to make any choice, my love – in your heart of hearts with OMG as your guide – and you will have no lasting guilt or regrets.
Our purpose here is to experience life, and to re-member ourselves to God – to Live in Love. The choices you make along the way as far as daily decisions, are simply decorations on the cake of your soul. The truth of your Soul is in HOW you choose to walk the path of life, every moment of every day.
It’s not, whether you choose to have a child, or stay in a marriage, or take a job, or leave. It’s only and all in HOW you do those things. It’s all in your perspective, your every word, your every action, your every thought, your every decision – where are these things coming from? It’s walking the razor’s edge of Love, between the contraction/expansion reality that is life on Earth.
Life is very simple. You have two choices: fear or love.
You are wise beyond the years on your driver’s license. Even so, you are still gifted with free will. Every second, every minute, every hour and every day of your life, you will continue to be gifted with free will, external chaos, and internal signals and cues from Spirit as to which way lies the Path of Integrity.
Integrity has nothing to do with anything on this earth plane that you can touch, smell or see. It is all in HOW you live. The choices you make dictate the reality you live. That is not about a choice to have a child or not have a child, stay in a marriage or not stay in a marriage. It’s HOW you do, whatever you choose to do.
The choice is clear and simple: in fear, or in Love? Pick one, in every moment of every day – 24/7. Choose, choose, and choose again for the rest of your life. And in the choosing, you will learn what you came here to learn, and you will leave the imprints and impressions you came to make while here. Life is simple – very, very simple. Fear or Love. Both will lead you to the face of God – either way you get there. One way is through contraction, the other is through expansion. Either way you will still get “there” for there is nowhere else to go but to God!
The body temple is the gift on the Path of Integrity – it will speak to you clearly about what you are entertaining or choosing. It’s simple – contraction or expansion. The contraction itself is the signal from God that we are thinking wrongly, seeing wrongly, in fear and not love. We feel contraction simply because we judge another, not because of something they have done.
It is our own response-ability to release the contraction, and try to see the other again with different eyes.
Love, just Love. Big Love, not romantic love, not friend love, not baby love. Bigger than all that. Big Love – be the Heart of God in the decisions you make…and then you cannot go wrong. That does not mean that you get out of chaos, suffering or pain in this life. Our world is one of dual energies that constantly change. There is no static zone in ease here.
Life is messy because it was meant to be. It is the powerful learning ground for conscious evolution.
Life is like a rocket ship at the point where it is still attached to the Earth – jets running at full power, waiting for that precise moment to get enough momentum for liftoff. That’s huge perturbation!!! Just close your eyes and listen to that sound for a moment! Like your foot on the gas pedal of the car, flooring it, while your other foot is on the brake – times a million. This is life on the outer shell of Planet Earth. It’s going to feel intense I guarantee you, no matter what choice you make. This is Life here. It is the game board we were born into, to play on.
We get to choose when to roll the dice, how we move our pieces, what houses we place on which properties we own, and what we choose to buy from others. The magic key, the big Key, is in HOW we perceive the moments of not passing GO and landing in Jail (ego). This is what I wish I would have known when I was 21.
What would I have done differently had I known all this back then?
Nothing and everything.
Nothing in the way I moved my game pieces.
The way of HOW I perceived my moments in ego-jail-hell.
The way I perceived all the many, many people who have come through my life, gracing and gifting me with Great Lessons through both contraction and expansion.
The words I have chosen to speak.
The times I chose to turn away from or not touch someone who was in suffering, because I was also in suffering.
My perception of each contraction as a gift, instead of seen as a pain in the ass.
My sense of life as amazing and not as scary.
Having a sense of gratitude for every challenge and difficult circumstance and person who came onto my daily lesson pages of life, for without that and them, I would not be given and gifted the opportunities to move so quickly in my soul development.
Choosing to re-member that it does not matter if anyone around me gets any of this or lives any of this or does any of this Path work, but it only matters that I do it.
We must begin with opening our own hearts, finding what is truly sacred in life, and then living In Service to that. To choose Love over and over again, in every moment of every day, in every thought, word and deed. This is what is truly Sacred. This is the only magic key that exists here. This is the only path where we find freedom from suffering, and the strength to serve others – the peace that passes all understanding. It is real – it is attainable.
Life is chaotic and it is bliss. Truly Living lies in the HOW. Open, open, open and re-member yourself to using that gift of free will in every moment of every day.
Talk with the soul of your baby-to-be. Tell him of your perceptions of life here – of the challenges that may be – of your promises to her – of the path/Path that you will walk as a living example for him to make her own choices by. Tell her that there is external suffering and chaos here, and that there is a path to freedom from that suffering, and that he can choose, once here, to walk the Path of Integrity in service to this world, or she can choose to just experience this world, and that either is Divine.
Tell him about free will, and that both Mama and Daddy have it too. Tell her that she is wanted fiercely, and will be loved fiercely, and to re-member herself to that, even though the external world may not project that for her at times. Tell him you promise to give it your All in every moment with what you know at the time. Tell her you will Love her forever and forever and always and all ways be there for her, in body or in Spirit – that you will never leave her, ever, no matter what she does, or what life brings, or the choices she makes, or how she treats you or others. Tell him it may be hard here, it may look very messy, that he will feel the constant tension of contraction and expansion.
Consider writing your baby(s) a letter about all this before you get pregnant – not the stories of life, for they are transient, but about the Truths of life as you understand them. Consider sharing your letter with the father/mother of your baby(s), and inviting them to do the same, and then together ceremonializing it into a special box or journal for the baby(s) someday to read, when she/he is 27 and confused about life – a box/journal of letters, thoughts, poems, artwork, photos that you both can add to along the way about how to Live in life – to share what you have learned and grown to understand as Truth. And if your other does not want to – just you do it, with joy.
I can’t tell you what choices to make in your life.
I can tell you this – of this I am certain:
There will be “dark” times in life. This is a necessary and beautiful part of life and the learning process. You can choose to see it this way, or be pissed off by it and those around you.
There will be messes, challenge and difficulty, and there will be pure joy and enchantment, and that roller coaster will go up and down many times.
You can be sure of falling asleep and forgetting Who You Are temporarily, sometimes for days, months, and even years. Remember though, you will wake up again, and again, and again.
Sometimes it will look like hell all around you, and feel like it within you. You will still have to get up and feed the children in the morning – just keep plowing.
There is nothing outside of you that will make you happy or happier. If you cannot find what you are looking for within yourself, you will never find it without.
There is no greater joy or satisfaction in life than truly Loving and serving others.
It is not how much you do or give, it is how much Love you put into the doing and giving.
If you are residing in the space of contraction (fear), you will feel lonely, scared, upset, angry.
If you are residing in the space of expansion (love), you may feel alone, but you will never be lonely. You may feel pain, but you will not suffer. You may cause hurt, but you will never harm.
The Path of Integrity, where you find the peace that passes all understanding, resides only on the Road of Love. We are given glimpses of it from time to time while traveling on the Road of Fear. These are invitations to choose once again. Glimpses look like the notion that “There’s got to be something more than this” or “It’s got to get better somehow” or “Am I in the right place or doing the right thing here?”
We have free will – the power of choice. We can choose to live in Fear or live in Love. It’s really that simple. We can choose in any given moment to change our minds and change our actions and outcome. In any given second, in the middle of contraction and thought-storms, we can choose to let it all go and see from the clear skies of Love. In any moment. We have absolute power. We can turn on a dime. It’s your choice.
Changing the trajectory of the rocketship of your life, even a tiny bit, will make huge changes in time down the course of navigation. Small steps, small steps – large outcomes. Keep taking small steps – keep taking steps.
You need never regret any choice you make, no matter the outcome.
In every moment of every day you are doing the absolute best you can with what you were given and what you know right now.
If you knew something different when a choice was made in the past, you would have done something differently. Therein lies freedom from guilt and regret. Therein lies the key to freeing those you love, who are making choices differently than you would have them make.
There are times to walk away from external chaos: if you cannot stand strongly and surely in Love in the midst of it (even while sitting in the pain of the fire), or if there will be harm done to you or one you love, or if you just know you can do nothing further to help because the one you are loving will not accept it.
There are times to sit in external chaos: if you want your patterns mirrored to you intensively for quick learning and transformation opportunities, and, you can sit (and act) in Love while feeling/noticing all that – and – there is no harm being done to you or anyone around you (unless you are willing to hang on a cross to free humanity).
There are times to defer loving someone, to professionals: if you or someone you know are being abused or harmed in any way, or if you are thinking of inflicting abuse or harm to yourself or another in any way.
When you’ve had enough, you’ll know. If you are still unsure, you’re not there yet. Once you are there, remain compassionate and loving, while you are pushing your chair back from the buffet table and moving out of the dining room.
It’s all in the HOW.
The impressions on your life, from before birth, from childhood, from choices made as an adult, will remain and continue to voice themselves throughout your life. They are part of your curriculum of Love. You have choice in whether you act on those voicings or whether you choose to let them just run in the background without making decisions, speaking words, or acting out based on them. You get to choose to see them as gifts or demons.
Stories are transient. Emotions are transient. Thoughts are transient. People in our lives are transient. Our own physical body is transient. The only thing that is lasting is the impression of your memories. Imprint them with Love and take that with you wherever you go. It will never leave you. Even if you lose your “memory” by disease or accident, those impressions remain on your soul (and your children’s, and your husbands, and everyone else you meet). Nothing can take that away. Imprint by conscious choice.
Be careful what you speak, for words are a powerful manifesto – some of the most powerful we have in our tool box. Re-member your free will to choose. Speak only love, for that is Who You Are.
That we are here, on Earth, in a human body, means we are very, very lucky. It is like the teaching parable – of a great and vast ocean with only one sea turtle in it. Then, God tosses one small, floating golden ring into that huge expanse of water, and one day out of nowhere, that single sea turtle, rises up for one breath of air and just happens to stick it’s head through the middle of the ring, catching it on it’s neck. You are that sea turtle and your chances of taking birth in a human body, are like the chances that one sea turtle in the ocean has, of ringing itself with the one golden ring tossed by God. You are very, very lucky to be here. InJoy and be grateful for all that Life has gifted you with.
If you forget Who You Are at any time, in any moment, call for me. I am with you in this moment you read these words, and every moment prior to and after this one. I am right here beside you, within you, wrapped around you in the wings of angels who watch over and guide you. I am in the voices on the wind and in the silence of your heart. I am in the water lapping at your feet and in the eyes of your husband. This has always been so and will always be so. I will never leave you, and you are never alone.
Love is the way, the only way, the way to freedom and peace and joy. Love is real, the only thing that is real. The rest is illusory and transient. Love is big – bigger than any problem, challenge, issue, difficulty, story, pain or suffering. Love is the way out. Love is the way in. If you are not in Love, you will know by listening to the voice of your own body and it’s methods of signaling you through contractive feelings, thoughts, speech and actions.
It’s very simple, truly.
Listen for the signals, and then choose once again.
Fear, or Love.
Whatever It Is, It’s God. W3iG. That’s what I always say.
I Love you, my beautiful child, forever and forever.
Always and all ways.